he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
