when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
