Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
