I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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