Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Randomize
