Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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