I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Green mimosas i think yes
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
