I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
