I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
