Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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