I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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