I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
