And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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