if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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