oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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