this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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