I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
