i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
