glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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