Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
