How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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