Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
