he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
