I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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