I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Randomize
