Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
It's shark week go big or go home
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
