He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
