Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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