Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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