Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
