Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
