Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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