so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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