i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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