Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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