I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
God I need to hump something, right now.
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