i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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