we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
