Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
