oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
