why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
