So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
