The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
