I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
