I just made out with a guy for $7.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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