And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I think I just sharted jello shots
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