he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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