sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
So many bounce houses so little time
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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