Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
