i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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